I wrote this during the American Economy Shutdown, and I just felt like sharing it with all of you.(yeah I know the shut down ended weeks ago, but this is ‘Retrograde’, I’m always cruising in reverse gear, deal with it) Moreover, it fit perfectly into the essence of ‘Retrograde’. I hope the NSA isn’t spying on you when you’re reading this piece. Godspeed, dear reader! May the force be with you.
Let us start with some basic arithmetic to get our engines running,
If 5 terrorists can shut down an entire state, how many terrorists does it take to shut down all the 50 states of America? The answer is Zero, they have their own senators to do that!
On October 1, our beloved Uncle Sam felt a little tipsy after popping his new medicine called ‘Obamacare’, so, he decided to head down to the basement for a short ‘empowering’ nap. It has been six days, and we can hear his theatrical snoring right through the walls, but it does not look like he’s going to wake up soon. Poor man, he deserves his rest, after all he’s done so much to help others, whether they want his help or not!
The American Government Shutdown may perturb the 7 million people who’ve been furloughed, but it is a boon in disguise. Think about it, for the first time in an eternity, it is safe to talk on the phone and send emails without someone spying upon you. Now, the NSA may refer to their actions as ‘philanthropist’ but I sure as hell do not need a ‘philanthropist’ listening in when I’m trying to find out what my girlfriend is wearing in the middle of the night.
The US Government Shutdown has also bolstered peace negotiations around the world. Al Qaeda extremists are supplanting their turbans with beach hats whilst enjoying a sparkling mojito basking under the sun. When the government is doing such a great job of ensuring that ‘nothing happens’ then what is the point of using suicide bombers and AK 47’s to make sure that nothing happens. Just a 6 day period of torpor and we have already achieved world peace, Uncle Sam must be crying in his sleep. We can even expect Obama to soon assert that the whole shutdown was a feint to help the world achieve peace, because , after all, the United States loves the idea of peace.
The shutdown is also helping to eradicate obesity. Not just by reducing the amount of food that the average American intakes, but also by increasing exponentially, the amount of exercise the person performs. Even though the exercise may just be as trivial as raising your hand to blame others, it’s still exercise, isn’t it? The republicans are pointing fingers at the democrats, the democrats are pointing fingers back at the republicans, and all the while, the common man is pointing a middle finger to each of the two. The shutdown is helping to extirpate all the problems that have plagued America (or the world) for so long, it may just well be the American way of getting things right.
...Perhaps..... it is for the best if Uncle Sam keeps sleeping!