In the heat of the moment, the anger feels like fuel pumping through your veins. You let it propel you, form you into someone who's just a mere shadow of your conscience. You get high on the venom you spew out. But then, amidst your tirade, you catch one glimpse of their face; whilst contorted into an expression much similar to yours, their eyes seem to be telling a whole different story. One, of plain hurt. Slowly, your subconscious starts processing that. You realise what you've done. The anger leaves you, replaced by guilt. Much too late though. Their eyes have changed, now. The hurt long gone, it's been replaced with pure indifference. Their barriers are now up. You know that nothing you say now will make a difference. Your mouth forms the word, but your voice betrays you.
Pride. Holding your head high in times of adversity. Not letting go of your identity, your roots- even when several others would have. Not giving in to the easier choice but sticking with the ones you made in the first place. Pride is an extremely attractive quality which, in the rarest of cases, can make even your enemy admire you. But while having pride is salutary in most cases, it can also sever the strongest of all relationships.
Everyone makes mistakes. It's what makes us human. Mistakes have consequences - either on us, or on them. Forgiving the person is not always the easiest thing to do. Yet, when WE ourselves the ones who commit the error, that one disyllabic word seems like the hardest word to utter.
Because pride comes into the picture? Or are we too ashamed of ourselves?
For the first case - when someone who loves you dearly, for who you are with all your whims and crazies, why can you not, for once, put down the armor you shield your ego with, and say that one five- lettered word?
It is an established fact that one of the building blocks of what constitutes a relationship is compromise. Every once in a while you compromise on watching that Man U vs. Chelsea match you've been dying to watch since forever, just for that one late night phone call. That being a singular one in a number of situations where either of the both of you compromised.
So why not once more- not with a football match this time, but with your ego?
If you truly value their presence in your life, saying 'sorry' can't be all that hard.
As for the second case, we all have been there. Sometimes the intentions of your doings can come off as dark. What truly matters is that you're willing to make it up for that, and want to steer clear of that path in the future. You can always, always conquer your dark side, provided that is what you really want.
Understand that if it's meant to be, you will get a second chance. So, rather than making the damage irreparable, make amends, while you still can.
So, while I take my own advice [*disgruntled sigh*] and patch up with long lost comrades, I wish you luck with your reconciliation(s), and do let me know how it goes. Good luck, and farewell.