I am wearing that bracelet you gave me. Though ordinary for others, but for me it was the most dainty and beauteous article. I am sitting on the table where, years ago, we had our first date, when you told me that the white kurti I was wearing made my honey coloured skin glow. I am listening to our song. I am having the ice cream soda that we once shared. On the table are kept white lilies, your favourite flowers. I pick out one and, smiling to myself, I think about all the wonderful lines you wrote for me. All the things around me remind me of how we were, how perfect it was. We were happy together and we could manage this happiness forever - but the world is a selfish place. It quotes about equality, respect, love and progress. But does it reflect these qualities? Where is equality? Tragically enough, when you are born, you identify people from the place they belong to, the religion they follow, their nationality, race, colour. The elderly talk about traditions and how you should respect them; they talk about rituals and rites which are being followed since centuries. They imbibe you with their blind wisdom of keeping up with the ancestral heritage. Where is love? There might be some traces of love, but it is supposed to be confined within the walls of the strata of people you belong to. They talk about sharing and caring but among your own kind. Who has defined your own kind? They say that the society you belong to is your identity; it’s who you are. Well, don’t you know? Your identities are false; they are the result of the circumstances. All that you would ever reflect are different forms of innocence, honesty, trust, emptiness and want. Identities are identical.
This disdainful place which harbours greed, selfishness, and too much honour scares me. I want to break free. I want to run away from this place and create a beautiful world, a world of you and me. It would be a place where we can be together, fall in love over and over again; where time, space, or people won’t separate us. We would freeze time together. It would be magically enticing. It would be an alluring land, far, far away from the pains and sorrows that this world beholds. It would be built of love, mystical moments, and entrancing memories. It would be heavenly, divine. We would gently hold hands; walk on the beach as the wind brings to us the sweet smell of the night blooming jasmine. I would catch my breath when I see your face lit up in twilight. We would experience moments of perfect happiness when we both look into each other’s eyes and talk, when we don’t know what we are talking about but we want to keep on talking just to hear each other’s voice. This place would be filled with the echoes of our laughter; the loving and teasing compliments... We would stare at the expanse of the calm blue sea, look at each other and I would put my arms round your neck, brush your cheek, come closer to you, and hear your heart beat.
Bliss. You are my strength, my confidence. You give me definition, you don’t let me forget the person you fell in love with. You are a precious, captivating, exquisite, and a fine gem. When I first saw you, your sparkle dazzled me; I wanted to hide you away from the eyes of this world of malice, for I knew that they would try to take you away from me. I love you, truly. My heart aches and screams; how can I let you go so easily?
As I sit here, alone, frigid, thinking of all the beautiful times we have had or the ones that were yet to come, I miss you. The torturing agony of not being able to be with you because we believe in different pictures of God is excruciatingly painful. . I want to free myself from these depressing realms; I want to be with you. But we can never be together in this world. It wouldn’t let us be ‘us’.
My naive soul questions, isn’t a strong connection a reason enough to love someone unconditionally? They don’t answer me. I understand; with a heavy heart, I move out. The lily I was holding falls. It lies there, crushed. Forgive me, for I don’t have the strength to fight the traditions. If fighting the world to be with you will take us to that hypnotic little world we wanted to create together, then I would somehow gather the courage to do so. But the truth is, our world wouldn’t seem to be happy after all. The sadness that fighting would bring, would sink into it and what we would be staring at wouldn’t be a calm, blue sea but an enraged, stormy, fierce sea flooding with the tears of the people we would have hurt. I wish I could break free, but forgive me; I don’t have that strength in me.